I don't know what to do. Last night I got trouble in sleeping because of the damned man's words.
I've mentioned him once in this blog. Actually, we met each other on a blind date, setting up by relatives. However, it's awkward as we found out that we were at the same high school at the same year, only diferrent classes. I don't like this guy, neither did I hate him. For me, he's just some stranger passing by my road. He sent me messages from time to time and showed his interests on me. I can say no, only I didn't. Parents are getting really annoying when they came to the whole "single" state problem, of mine, of course. Mom talked with me about this as much as possible. Maybe there's actually some problem with me. For all these years I just can find a right man for myself.
Several days ago, I had dinner with this strange schoolmate. The meal was just ok as I don't really have a crash for pizza. And the talk! Oh my god! I can't figure out any other conversation worse than that, especially between men and women mean-to-get-together. He's not a talker and I know it. I just don't understand why he asked me that question -- WHAT DO U EXPECT FOR MARRIAGE? Honestly, I was confused by this question. What does he want me to say? This is only the 2nd date we have. Are we supposed to talk about this??? I told him I didn't expect too much but couple should be able to get together, such as same interests or same gossip topic. For God's sake, Jesus would forgive me for saying this. He is either a totally jerk or an idiot. After I answered the question, he provided me with the following sentences:
I don't think I would have any chance to get married if I miss this chance. Feel like not in the right age, I don't think I have any mood for some love affairs. So for me, I just want a marriage, with someone, as quick as possible.
What should I respond? It's humiliation for any women by talking about marriage without love. Was he trying to tell me that I should expect no love from him? What does him take me for? Just someone on the street?!
I don't hate him as I don't feel a thing for him. But I hate myself for going out with him on Tuesday after such a humiliation. I become confused by myself. It's so obvious I don't like this guy. Yet still I went out with him. I want to get involved in a real relationship, with someone really cares for me. Is it too much? Is it fantasy? What should I do with my life, my love? It seems going to nowhere.
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